sweet nothings

(in bed, post tgi-fridays dinner)

rich: ew, olivia, get away from me. do not touch me for even one second. i just want to sleep.

simultaneously

olivia: ew, oh my god, you smell like sizzling onions.

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olivia: if i met ryan gosling and he wanted to be with me, would that be ok with you?

rich: olivia....you must.

5 minutes later

rich: you know...i really think i am ryan gosling's biggest fan.

olivia: are you seriously looking at page after page of google images of him?

rich: I LIKE THE WAY HE DRESSES, OK??????

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olivia: rich, can you please join the rest of us in this hilarious game we are playing called "friends hanging out together"?

rich: hang on please- i am live chatting with a j. crew customer service representative.

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rich: olivia, please put down that magazine and help me decorate our christmas tree.
olivia: ok, one sec please.
5 minutes later
rich: liv, come on.
olivia: mmmmm yessssss i will beeeee riiiiiight.....oh wow reunion photos of the cast of the princess bride!!! just a sec.
5 minutes later
olivia: oh my god!!! you decorated the tree without me?!?!?!
rich: olivia, this tree is 18" high. if it makes you feel better, we can spend the next 3 minutes taking the ornaments off and putting them back on.
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true love, my friends, true love.

{photo by the amazing tye jakobs}

date nights

confession: being in the uk is amahzing and all, but dayyyyyum is it expensive. the usd to gbp exchange rate is tragic. because we're trying to save tons of moolah while here so we may lead temporary lives of leisure when we get back home to nyc, we have become cheapskates.

there is no easy way to say it.

oh, we still do tons of fun stuff like see the new musical matilda in the west end (fabulous and magical):

and dress up in harrods:

but more often than not, on our nights off, we have a hobo date.

yes, a hobo date.

what is a hobo date, you ask?

a hobo date is when we buy beer or hard cider and gross snacks from the newsagent on the corner, and then we rent a movie on itunes (this requires preparation as it always takes 10000 hours to download). then we sprawl out in our hotel room and eat things like prawn cocktail flavored pringles (yes, for real) while watching a movie on our laptop.

claaaaaaaaaaassy.

sorry for the terrible photo...RIP stolen iPhone. i miss you every day.

also, rich thinks it's important i mention we got discounted tickets for matilda by flashing our student IDs....you know....the ones from our first day of college....in 2004. 

we just don't look anyone in the eye.

and now a huge bag of haribo gummy candy + melancholia (you know, a delightful film about the apocalypse) are calling my name.

night night lovelies!

rich and i are in danger. (update!)

rich and i are in serious danger.

in the uk, there exists a very real threat to our well-being and future happiness.

it is called wagamama.

their website says they are a chain of pan asian restaurants.

it should say they are a chain of crack restaurants.

our names are rich and olivia and we are addicted to wagamama.

specifically to their yasai yaki soba.

it is really a problem.

they are everywhere.

we cannot escape.

we don't want to escape.

every time we are looking for a place to eat and we spot one, 

we have a conversation like this:

(disclaimer: the role we each play in this scenario is interchangeable)

rich (casually): oh look....a wagamama.

 olivia (cool, calm, and collected): oh....that's cool.

rich: yeah. so.....that's there.

olivia: yes, i see it.

rich (nonchalantly): we just went there. we should go somewhere else.

olivia (same): yeah, i am sort of getting sick of it. we should try to support a small and local place.

rich: great idea.

olivia: (silence)

rich: (silence)

olivia (tentatively): or we c---

rich (crazed): WAGAMAMA!!!!!!!!!!

and with glazed eyes, we run like crackheads to feed our addiction.

we do not need to look at the menu.

the second a server approaches, we all but scream,

"two number 41s two tap waters nothing to start ok thanksssssssssssssss"

(apparently, however, we are not their biggest fan. the last time we ate there, the man next to us literally ordered 10 dishes and ate every. single. morsel. and 5 beers. we silently saluted him.) 

we love you wagamama.

and as your only locations in the usa are in boston, 

you can look forward to seeing us a lot more often, mum and dad!

please don't be offended when we spend the whole visit stuffing our faces 

and then moaning about how full and miserable we are.

rich + olivia + wagamama 4eva

UPDATE: we have consumed wagamama 5 times since this post was written, including 5 minutes after its orginal post, and twice in one day. the other two times we were respectable humans and went once a day. and, fine, it was only me that went twice in one day. rich has self-control. oops.

next to normal

when your husband does what my husband does for a living, conversations like this are normal:

rich: i can't get my penis as far up my butt as i want when i'm making the vagina.

me: hmmm....maybe you should plie more at the start.

rich: good idea.

siiiiiiigh.